So, like… have you ever just looked at your dog — like, really looked — and thought, “I wonder what you’re thinking right now?” Because same. I mean, German Shepherds especially, they’ve got that stare, you know? That super serious, detective‑on‑a‑mission vibe. And I swear, sometimes it feels like they’re about to say something.
But what if instead of barking or pacing or doing that lil head tilt, they could just… text you?
Not like full-on paragraphs or anything (or maybe??), but just imagine: you wake up and your phone buzzes. And it’s your dog. Your actual GSD. Texting you.
Anyway, I went ahead and imagined exactly that. One whole week of messages from a German Shepherd. A full Monday to Sunday breakdown of what they’d probably send — based on their personality, energy levels, little quirks, all of it.
It’s silly. But also weirdly deep? Like, thinking through this made me see my dog a bit clearer. And it might do that for you too. So buckle up, because here’s what your GSD might send u if they could text you for a week.
📱 Monday – “Are you awake yet?? Hello??”
7:02 AM:
you alive? i peed an hour ago. let’s go. breakfast. now.
9:45 AM:
update: u still not back. i chewed the pillow a little. just a little. also the delivery guy looked sketchy so i barked. u welcome.
Evening:
walk??? or… walk? pls. i got zoomies. i also maybe chased a shadow, but it was suspicious.
Mondays, man. They hit GSDs hard. They’re routine freaks, so when the weekend fun’s over and the house is suddenly quiet again, they get confused. Anxious even. They’re like, what is this emptiness? That’s when you get those bored barks or find fluff all over the living room from that pillow they “didn’t destroy.”
📱 Tuesday – “I’m on high alert. Always.”
8:14 AM:
i saw that cat again. the orange one. it’s back. it was on our sidewalk. OURS. unacceptable.
12:02 PM:
mail came. i stopped it. no need to thank me. it’s just what i do.
6:22 PM:
new people walked past. i gave them a warning. u never know. trust no one.
German Shepherds, bless ’em, they take their protector role VERY seriously. Like they were born with a security badge. You think they’re just chilling in the window? Nah. They’re scanning. Evaluating. Judging. And yeah, barking. It’s not them being “bad”, it’s literally their full-time job — guarding the homestead. They live for it.
But sometimes… like bro, chill. Not everyone walking past is a criminal mastermind.
📱 Wednesday – “I need brain food. I’m bored. Entertain me, human.”
10:09 AM:
i solved the puzzle toy in 45 seconds. what’s next. give me harder things. or just… let’s play tug. tug is always good.
2:46 PM:
i counted all the squeaks in the duck toy again. 12. same as yesterday. still satisfying.
Evening:
i learned how to open the cabinet. i am now the keeper of all snacks.
Wednesdays are when the cabin fever sets in. Especially for smart dogs. And German Shepherds are, like, scary smart. You think you’ve outwitted them with a fancy new toy or a training trick? Give it 5 minutes. They’ve solved it, rewritten the rules, and are now giving you side‑eye like try again.
If they could text, they’d send you entire PowerPoint presentations about their accomplishments. Or memes. Definitely memes.
📱 Thursday – “I think… I love you. But also, pls do more.”
Morning:
i watched you leave again. it’s fine. i’m fine. totally chill. just here. alone. with my thoughts.
Midday:
squirrel.
3:17 PM:
i miss u. pls come back. or at least send a treat drone.
Evening:
when u sit on the couch can i sit ON you? like, literally on your feet? just to be sure you won’t disappear again.
Thursday is the emotional dip. The midweek “ugh” day. GSDs start to feel all the feelings. Their loyalty turns into clinginess. Their independence, just a little… clingier. It’s adorable, but also, yeah, it’s a bit much. You get up to pee and they follow you like you’re crossing enemy lines.
But hey — they just love hard.
📱 Friday – “Let’s do EVERYTHING. Right now.”
6:00 AM:
FRIDAY!!!! energy levels: 10,000. ideas: walk, run, hike, swim, find a squirrel, protect the realm, learn French.
9:17 AM:
i brought u 3 toys. we play all. simultaneously.
Evening:
why are u tired. i’m not tired. are you okay. do you need help. i can do CPR. probably.
Fridays are their favorite. Somehow they know it’s the gateway to The Weekend. They feel your vibe shift and mirror it times a thousand. They’re practically vibrating. You step into the room and they’re already in full waggy-butt mode, ready to explode into zoomies.
They’re ready. For everything. All at once. Kinda makes sense, right?
📱 Saturday – “This is the best day ever. Again.”
8:30 AM:
omg. you’re here. and still here. i checked. we should go out. then in. then out again. i’ll be ready. always.
10:51 AM:
i made a new friend at the park. i barked at him, but then we sniffed. it’s complicated.
Afternoon:
i dug a hole. it was very hole-y. good hole. masterpiece.
Saturdays are just pure joy. No rules, no work vibes, just full-on chaos and happiness. You open the door and it’s like releasing a spring-loaded canine missile. Parks? Amazing. Car rides? Yes. Mud puddles? YES. Digging for no reason? Double yes.
Your dog is living. Fully. You? You’re along for the ride.
📱 Sunday – “Can we just chill? Just… be?”
9:00 AM:
i’m tired. but also want to be near you. couch cuddle? head on your lap? i promise not to fart (i might).
1:33 PM:
i reflect on this week. it was good. 12/10. would do again.
Evening:
thank u for loving me. i love u more. infinity.
And Sunday… it’s the sigh after the storm. Your GSD is finally, finally ready to relax. They’ll curl next to you and stare into your soul like you’re the greatest being in the known universe.
Which, honestly? To them, you are.
So What’s the Point of All This?
Look, I know this is all pretend. Your dog’s not gonna actually text you. (But if that ever becomes real, take my money.)
But thinking like this? It kinda helps you see them clearer. Like, “oh yeah, they get barky on Tuesdays” — maybe that’s their “guard mode” kicking in. Or “they follow me around on Thursdays” — maybe that’s their need for reassurance showing up.
It’s a fun little way to connect, but also reflect. Dogs are always communicating. We just gotta pay attention in their language.
And if imagining them texting “pls bring cheese” helps you love them better? Then heck yeah, do it.
Wanna Try It Yourself?
Here’s a fun idea: write a week of texts from your dog. Doesn’t have to be polished or perfect — just go day-by-day. What would they say in the morning? When you’re gone? When they wanna play?
You’ll probably learn something. Or at least laugh. Or cry a lil bit. (I did both.)
And if u want, send it to a friend, or even me. I’d read it.
One Last Text (from your GSD):
“i love u. now throw the ball.”
Let me know if you want a printable version of this (with spots to write your own dog’s texts). Or maybe a little template you can fill in? Happy to share it — no strings, just a free gift 💌.
Now go scratch that big floofy ear for me, yeah? They deserve it.
🐾
